Take heart.

In April, there were a couple weeks where at the end of each day, I felt useless…purposeless, no matter how much I had accomplished that day.

May has brought a repeated feeling of defeat.
Not so much the cha-cha of two steps forward and one step back, but two steps forward and an Acme anvil falling from the sky to crush my efforts.

Personnel issues. Logistical issues. God help me, COMMUNICATION issues.
Meetings rescheduled but no one told me, so I showed up to a deserted building.
Other people not showing up when they were supposed to and having a lackadaisical attitude when they did finally arrive.
Disrespect.
Demands.
Dishonesty.

Defeat.

In a number of separate conversations with friends, I learned I am not alone in this. Apparently, like the flu–and apparently now, the measles–Defeat has been going around.

This is what I learned: Defeat THRIVES in silence.

Find someone you trust and TELL THEM how you are feeling.
If they offer help–TAKE IT.

My husband said to me this week, “We’ve been trying to fight spiritual battles with our human strength.”
True.
And impossible.
Defeat, ironically, is often a voice telling us “we’ve got this”…and then it twists to “don’t let anyone see you don’t have it together! PROVE YOURSELF!”

Sometimes letting go of that “human striving” manifests in looking a group of people in the eye and saying, “This is not sustainable. I will burn out, or we can change how we’re operating.”

Sometimes it manifests in prayer and meditation that leads to clarity and enlightenment.

Sometimes it manifests in a break down and just letting go.

If we keep tugging at our own bootstraps and declaring that WE CAN DO IT OURSELVES, Defeat will keep our feet mired in the muck and remind us how we didn’t pull ourselves up and how EVERYONE else was able to.

Take heart.
In this world we will have troubles, but God has overcome the world.
Let go. Lean in. We don’t have to do it on our own.